I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So squirting runs in the family.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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