the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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