I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
