I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
