do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I deserve this hangover.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
