You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
