If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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