for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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