I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
vagina is talking i cant
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
