so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
