Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
