Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
