I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
