eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
