I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
