those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
