we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
