Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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