I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
