i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
