I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need water and some morals
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
