my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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