i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
