why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
