i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
