I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
