We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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