Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
