We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
