That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
