She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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