Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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