So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
