I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
