It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
