1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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