Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
