Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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