Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
