we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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