Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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