When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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