Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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