dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
