Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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