she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
