There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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