I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
