he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
