singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize