There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
