Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
