I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
