I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
