i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
