I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
