I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize