I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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