the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
