Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
