cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
