It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she peed on how many people?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
