Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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