so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
