Whod you bang
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
