I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
