so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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