so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
