I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
