I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
