margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
