To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They took my balls.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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