I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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