took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
