dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
