Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
