I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
