Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
