Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
