okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
