can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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