Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
