you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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