Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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