i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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