Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
