are you still at the devil's house?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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